Moving Past Cynicism

Have you ever struggled with spiritual cynicism? As in responding snarkily to someone’s seemingly canned Christiany comment? Colleen Ramser helps us take note, and find a way out.

Elisa

Moving Past Cynicism

By Colleen Ramser, LPC

I was sitting around a table at a women’s retreat and feeling annoyed. The other women at the table were sharing struggles, but not in a way I could relate to. They smiled serenely and their voices had an airy quality as they described what God was doing in their lives, even through suffering.

“I’m so thankful for my community group during this time. All things work together for good.”

“God has me here in my suffering to use my story for his glory.”

“It’s hard right now, but I know God would never give me anything I couldn’t handle.”

Every struggle seemed to be wrapped up in a Bible bow, and even though I tried to keep a neutral expression on the outside, I was cringing inside.

Like the other women, I was struggling, too, but I wanted nothing to do with Bible bows. It had been nearly a year since I’d worked for a domineering and influential Christian leader who had abused her authority and ultimately removed me from my ministry position. All these months later, I was still struggling—mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I felt triggered and guarded around anyone who used phrases I had once used and believed myself: “God is good,” “My trust is in the Lord,” “One day there will be no more tears.” Hearing them left me feeling like someone was shoving a loaf of daily bread down my throat. Even the word hope or a well-meaning Christian telling me that God can use suffering prompted an eye roll or caused my body to quietly recoil.

My mind was filled with cynical thoughts; or to be completely honest, it was full of dark thoughts and doubts. Although I didn’t often share them, when I did, I risked facing blank stares. People didn’t know if they should validate my pain or slap a Bible verse on it.

Spiritual cynicism is expecting the worst in people of faith. It assumes that all or most Christians are driven by selfishness and/or hidden agendas, and so it shows up as a part that rejects Christian people, places, language, or the Divine. But underneath that hard edge of our cynical part lies deep disappointment.

Moving from spiritual cynicism to discernment is a process that takes time. When you’ve experienced trauma, it’s not realistic to expect that you can rid yourself of suspicion or use a couple of quick tips to completely shift your cynical thoughts. However, it is possible to begin slowly and make progress, which is what happens when you open yourself, even the tiniest bit, to the possibility that there can be good and life-giving people and moments in your life again.

In my own healing journey, it was a simple experience of beauty at a different retreat that finally opened me to the possibility of moving beyond cynicism. I began to come alive and see beauty in the ordinary things. One morning, the group of us sat outside by a fire, enjoying the scenery and each other. As I sat there holding a cup of coffee and watching the flames crackle, I caught a glimpse of beauty that somehow made it past my cynical defenses. For the first time in months, I allowed myself to believe, just for a second, that goodness still existed. I received the warmth of the fire, the goodness of the coffee, and the imperfect compassion of my fellow retreatants for their genuine desire to connect as souls on the same journey.

When we pause to notice it, beauty opens a window into goodness, and that goodness has the power to soften a heart barricaded by cynicism. Look for it. Sit with it like you would a warming cup of tea and allow yourself to notice every detail. Receiving beauty won’t fix everything overnight, but it can remind you that there is more. And when you’re ready, when cynicism has run its course, hope will be there waiting for you.

Adapted from The Shattered Soul: Restoring Wholeness and Rebuilding Your Faith After Spiritual Trauma by Colleen Ramser, LPC. Copyright © 2026. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries.  All rights reserved.

Colleen Ramser, MA, is an EMDR-certified licensed professional counselor (LPC), speaker, and writer who meets Christ followers at the intersection of trauma and faith. She is the author of The Shattered Soul. She is a sought-after trauma specialist—particularly on issues of spiritual abuse and domestic abuse, and she has spent years journeying with souls in the church and within the scope of her clinical practice. As a survivor of trauma, Colleen is a compassionate witness on the journey, bringing not only her clinical expertise but also a deep knowing of dark nights and the breath of new mercies. Colleen lives in Louisville, Kentucky, with her husband and two kids and enjoys being swallowed up by God's beautiful landscapes and catching a good pun. Connect with Colleen at colleenramserlpc.com or on Facebook at @colleenramser.