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Looking Back

It's easy to lose perspective on the past, thinking it was "better" than it was. Becky Leach helps reorient our gaze.


Looking Back

By Becky Leach

"I am so frustrated! How can he not get it?" I told my husband through tears late one night.

Our oldest child was in the middle of a deep and seemingly constant battle with dishonesty. He had been caught in several lies, culminating in an attempt to steal something at school.

"This is NOT how we raised him!" I cried, probably a little too loudly.

I was beyond myself as a mother. The thoughts of what other parents and teachers would think about me as a mom ran through my head, but more than that I was deeply concerned about my son's heart.

I couldn't figure out where this dishonesty was coming from. We had never allowed lying in our house, were bringing him up in a church and school where good friends surrounded him. He definitely knew right from wrong. And even though he was experiencing steep consequences, he continued to walk in dishonesty.

Thankfully we made it through that season in one piece. Even now, the lessons God taught me remain fresh.

As only God would have it, I happened to be reading through the Old Testament at the same time the trial with my son was progressing. Learning about the Israelites, sin patterns, forgetting their foundation with God, and their constant temptation to go back to Egypt.

After their deliverance from slavery, they looked at Moses and said "Is this not the word we spoke to you in Egypt, saying 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness." Exodus 14:12

Even though Pharaoh had enslaved this entire group of people, and then God miraculously delivered them, they wanted to go back there. To Egypt and Pharaoh. They were sure he would provide more than just the manna and water God did. Pharaoh had chariots and horses while they were wandering around in a desert. This was their constant struggle, as it unfortunately continues to be ours today.

We forget our sin, so we forget our deliverance.

Sometimes I too struggle with looking back at what I have been delivered from, and I have faulty memory of the past, just like the Israelites. I think, "it was easier back there. It was comfortable back there. I had what I wanted there." But what we forget is that also back there was slavery. Some say hindsight is 20/20, but I think it's easier to look back with rose-colored glasses than with accuracy.

I was enslaved to the secret of childhood abuse for much of my life. I labeled myself a victim, denied my value and pretended that it was all my fault. But God delivered me out of this darkness through the telling of my secret. It's been extremely painful at times. I have been forced to grieve certain relationships and put up healthy boundaries. So you better believe that I look back and think "maybe it would be easier if I had just stayed back there."

But, friend, I would still be in bondage, trapped under the crushing weight of shame! I would be a slave to the darkness, not walking in the freedom Jesus has already given to me through the cross.

Sure, it might seem at times to have been more comfortable in the silence of the dark, but how quickly I forget that pain.

What season has God delivered you from that Satan has tempted you to walk back toward? What sin is God asking you to give up in order to experience his grace more fully?

Take a minute to remember all God has brought you through today. Thank him for his faithfulness, his perfect timing and his great, merciful love. I've made this my prayer, for both my family and myself.

Becky Leach is a fervent writer, accidental speaker and self-taught artist. She adores Instagram, hates working out and is obsessive over the creamer in her coffee. She is a mom of three crazy kids and married to her high school sweetheart, who just so happens to also be her State Representative. The beat of Becky's heart is to equip women in living free in the grace of Jesus's great love. Connect with her at

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