Do you ever wonder if you should keep your faith or throw it out when your expectations of life with Jesus don’t match reality? Erin Reynolds asks this very honest question.
Elisa
Grandmother's Gloves
By Erin Reynolds
I found my grandmother's gloves while cleaning our basement storage room the other day. I had stowed them away as precious ... something not to be thrown out. And yet, they don't fit me. Her hands were much too small. I cannot slip them on past the tips of my fingers. I cannot force my hands into the gloves, and I can't make her gloves bigger. So, what do I do with the gloves? Do I keep them, in memory of her, or do I cast them aside?
I am struggling in much the same way with my faith right now. I have found it to be too small for the big challenges I face. My faith is precious to me ... not something to be thrown out. And yet, it doesn't fit right now. My faith doesn't fit because life isn't perfect. For far too long I have believed that if I made right choices and treated people in the right way, all would go well with me. I would prosper. But the good news of the Gospel is not about prosperity, as I once thought. These days, I think it is more about loss.
Jesus addresses that sense of loss in Matthew 16:25, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."
The Message expounds on this idea, "Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. 'Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?'"
Jesus gives a sense of what following God is going to require, but I think most of us don't want to hear it.
In my own season, I found myself asking, "God, where were you?" And, like Mary and Martha grieved at the death of Lazurus, crying out, "Lord, if you had been here," this would not have happened (John 11:25, John 11:32).
Where did I get the false sense that if God is present, there will be no loss and I will prosper?
Slowly, I am coming to see my Savior as much bigger than the small box in which I had him stored. God is with me as much in my losses as in my acquisitions.
I don’t want to believe, let alone tell others, that following Jesus is going to be hard. Who is going to be drawn to that sort of life? But it is right there in the good news of the Gospel. Life is going to be hard, you are going to feel burdened, and your hearts will be heavy. So, if you don't have it in you to follow, Jesus gives us another choice. Let him lead.
In Matthew 11, Jesus says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
That fits. While I can’t change the size of Grandmother's gloves, I can go deep into Scripture and see why my previous understanding no longer fits. The answers are there. While there is much to say about joy and future glory, right now it is hard, and he is leading. You know, this yoke doesn't feel too bad. It feels different, because I no longer am in charge, but I am less burdened, and I have direction. That is a lot more than I could say a few months ago.
I still don't know what I am going to do with Grandmother's gloves. But, my faith ... that I will keep.
Erin Reynolds is a writer and speaker deciphering God's path for her by taking it one step at a time. She often asks herself the question "Really?" and continues to hear the response from God, "Yes. Really." So, she continues to produce. At 54, she is the mother of one recent high school graduate, two high schoolers, and a wife to her husband Bob, who reminds her that as the nest empties, he will still be there. She seems to constantly be going through transitions these days and writes about them through her blog at https://erinreynoldsblog.wordpress.com. If you would like to join her, she would love the company of your thoughts.