I Surrender My Friendships

What role do you play in your friendships? Mary DeMuth challenges us to consider our investments.

Elisa

I Surrender My Friendships

By Mary DeMuth

I used to falsely believe that every one of my friends had to remain in the same locale for the rest of my life. I didn’t give space for changing dynamics, moving, or different stages of life. Once a friend, always a friend—that was my motto.

But in this transitory world, we cannot hang our hats on this kind of desire. Why? Because friendships shift, our perspectives change, and people move around. Friendships wax and wane. Sometimes they falter. And other times, they beautifully resurrect. Some cannot be repaired this side of eternity.

So how do we hold our friendships loosely yet still pursue the people God has placed in our lives? We can surrender them to the Lord, letting him order our relationships. We can ask the Lord who to pursue. We can become deeply curious about the friends God has peopled our lives with. And we can ask the Lord to open our eyes to new possible friendships. They do deeply benefit our lives, after all. We need them. Proverbs 27:9 reminds us, “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”

Friends scent our lives. And to have a passel of good, solid friends, we must remember the role we play in it. To have good friends is to be a good friend. Perhaps the best way to cultivate deep and lasting relationships is to further develop our friendship capabilities.

A good friend …

• listens first and asks open-ended questions.

• rejoices when a friend is happy.

• cries when a friend is in distress.

• looks for ways to serve a friend.

• is attuned to the needs of a friend.

• tangibly meets the needs of a friend.

• offers advice when it is solicited.

• prays for their friends.

• has shared interests, typically.

• is longsuffering, even in dry times.

• gives sacrificially.

• stops their lives for the sake of the need of another.

Our friendships shift throughout our lives, but one thing does not shift—God’s friendship with us. His relationship with us empowers us to be dedicated, to know our worth, and to realize when we must let go.

Jesus, I surrender my friendships to you. It’s hard for me to say goodbye to some. Show me when to let go and when to hold on. Keep my heart open for new relationships you send my way. I don’t want to close off my heart in the aftermath of a broken friendship. Would you repair what’s been broken? Would you give me insight into myself so I can be an empathetic, encouraging friend for others? Thank you that even if my friends move or move on, you are always my best friend, and you will never leave me or betray me. Amen.

Taken from The Freedom of Surrender by Mary DeMuth. Copyright (c) 2025 by Mary DeMuth. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press. www.ivpress.com

Note that artwork by Mary DeMuth accompanies each devotional, as above.

Mary DeMuth has written over fifty books, including The Most Overlooked Women of the Bible and 90-Day Bible Reading Challenge. Her most recent book is The Freedom of Surrender. Through her podcast, Pray Every Day, and her speaking events around the globe, Mary seeks to help people heal from past trauma and live re-storied lives as followers of Jesus. Mary is married to Patrick and has three adult children. Connect with her at www.marydemuth.com