In the Way

In The Way

Elisa Morgan

My dear friend’s husband was taken by ambulance to the hospital. It wasn’t the first time. Fifteen years ago, he faced his first emergency trip of his latter years. The result of that episode changed the trajectory of everyday life. This time though, she was facing her own season of diminishment and would need the help of others to care for him. And … she’d need to rearrange her home to provide space for caregivers to stay and help.

Surely, that meant I needed to immediately jump in the car and help them clean out their basement, right?

My daughter is now a single mom of a ten-year-old boy. She’s the single mom of a twenty-one- year-old man too but he is grown and able. When her younger son faced surgery, I knew she’d need to take time off to care for him. I assumed that would stress her as she’s new at her job and the only phlebotomist in the doctor’s office.

Surely, that meant I’d need to spend several days at her house taking care of him, right?

Sitting in a meeting for work, ideas swirled around the room, lacking direction or clarity. I could see the thread of a direction forming but it wasn’t fully obvious. I looked at my watch and saw that our time was running out and felt a panicky itch in my gut. We weren’t scheduled to gather again for several weeks. Our deadline would slip by.

Surely, that meant I’d need to offer up my brilliant – though not fully formed – observation and save the day, right?

I’m learning to pause before volunteering because I’m discovering that my johnny-on-the-spot offerings can get in the way of what actually needs to happen.

I can get in the way.

Actually, I can get in God’s way. When I see a need and rush to meet it, I may be taking up a space where someone or something else is a better fit.

My dear friend has adult, mature, wonderful children who set up a sign-up app for friends and families to help out as they could. Over the course of several weeks I saw name after name fill in the blanks to drive, to visit, to care-give. What a blessing to be loved my so many, and not just me.

My daughter took not just one day off for her son’s surgery but two, and then after not seeing as much recovery as he needed, she took off a third day to be present because she knew he needed his mom more than his grandmom.

My team punched pause on the work deadline because the direction wasn’t clear and at our next gathering, we were all told that the ministry was going in a different direction. We didn’t even need to do what we were trying to do.

No doubt, there are times when we absolutely need to step in and help. I’ve written a book on this topic (She Did What She Could) and the topic has formed me deeply. But there are also times when we need to hold back and discern if an assignment to help belongs to us. How do we know the difference?

• Listen to the nudge. Begin by taking the nudge to act seriously.

• Ask yourself if you are the only one who can meet the need? Many times, we aren’t, so resist the knee jerk response to act.

• If the nudge doesn’t go away, take it even more seriously. Then ask if you have the bandwidth, skill and availability to act.

• A tough thing to look at next: ask yourself if your urge to act is more about you being valued than about the actual need being met. Eeesh. 

• Your answers to these questions will help you discern whether or not the assignment is for you. Watch how God meets the need, or even how he redirects you somewhere else vital for your presence.

• Then, even if it doesn’t make sense but you feel you must act, go ahead.

Helpful or no?

I’m learning that every need I see isn’t necessarily mine to meet. When I pause to discern the nudge poking my heart, I may discover that the best help I can offer is the careful determination not to get in God’s way. 

Elisa Morgan's latest book is Fruitful Living. She is the cohost of the podcast, God Hears Her. She is also the cohost of Discover the Word and contributor to Our Daily Bread. Her other books include Christmas Changes Everything, You are Not Alone, When We Pray Like Jesus, Hello, Beauty Full, and The Beauty of Broken. Connect with Elisa @elisamorganauthor on Facebook and Instagram.