The Costume Closet

Do you hide behind pretend costumes in your various roles? Dominique Young challenges us to present the real us to God and to each other.

Elisa

The Costume Closet: All the ways we cover up our true selves

By Dominique Young

Did you ever dress up in costumes as a child? I was (and still am) a big Disney princess fan, and those princess dresses were my go-to costumes. I would twirl around and pretend that I could talk to animals, had a fairy godmother, and could conquer my fears and achieve my dreams. At school, they had fancy costumes, and the blue Cinderella outfit was my favorite. At home, I had an assortment of dresses, some too small and some too big, but they kept me twirling for days.

It’s funny how we mirror things from our childhood in our adulthood. It’s almost as if we attempt to go back to our childhood safe places as we navigate adult pain. Well, I returned to the costume closet in adulthood; only now, the costumes looked different. I realized that every environment I stepped into had an assortment of costumes I could put on. I learned what happy, popular, and even “I’ve got it all together” costumes looked like in each environment.

But possibly the most intricate costume I found was the church one. As an adult, I put on this costume every Sunday, and as I began to lead and teach, I wore it every day. The church costume is partially about the clothes (pantyhose, a slip, and a dress are a must in some spaces), but it’s more than just that.

First is the smile. It has to be big enough to suggest you are happy, but not so big someone can guess you’re faking it. Next there is the praise. This works a lot like the highway; you flow with the speed of traffic. If it’s an energetic, stand-up kind of church, don’t sit down because they’ll think you don’t love Jesus, and if it is a sit-down kind of church, then sit down, but don’t cry because your tears will be more visible and people may ask what’s wrong.

I knew the costumes and their intricacies, and I could float through the crowd, appearing as a joyful, Jesus-loving Christian who had it all together—all while screaming and falling apart inside.

Do you have experience with costumes? You can find them in schools, at church, in your profession, and even at your family reunion. These costumes contain everything we’ve learned about the expectations of the space we’re in.

As a Black woman, I know that Black folks have been playing in costume closets for generations. We even have a fancy name to describe the process—code-switching—and many attribute their success to it. Code-switching is the ability to put on not just a suit jacket but an entirely new identity as we walk into any space.

Have you ever stopped to consider how many invisible costumes you put on each day? Or how those costumes have affected your relationship with God and yourself? 

The costume closet was a fun place as a child (which is probably why it seemed like a safe place as an adult), but the longer I stayed in costume, the more lost I became.

This alternative reality that we find ourselves living in when cloaked in invisible costumes can cause us to feel distant and estranged from our actual life—and from the God who loves us.

After some reflection work, I realized that I was putting on a costume for work to protect me from the pain of criticism. I had become emotionally distant to present myself as powerful and in control. The problem is that I wore this costume every day at work and the more I wore it, the more often I forgot to take it off. I became the character I was portraying at work in other environments, and I didn’t even realize what was happening.

When I realized that my fear of taking off the invisible costume was really a fear of abandonment, my eyes were opened. I recognized that my fear of abandonment came from unprocessed pain of being rejected by peers and loved ones as a teen and young adult. The fear was the cloak, the fabric the costume was made of, but the pain and trauma underneath were what required the most attention.

God is leading us to take off the cloak and come to him with the pain, come to him with the trauma, come to hm with the brokenness. He won’t run away; he will be with us.

The costumes and masks we use in our day-to-day lives can make it difficult to find God even when he is right there. The process of identifying what we have been cloaking ourselves with is imperative on this journey.

God is saying we don’t have to stay hidden away under all those costumes and hiding places. We can come to God with all our cares, concerns, and honesty, and God will keep us safe. We don’t have to pretend because God wants to give us a safe space in him.

Adapted from God, Where Are You? by Dominique Young. Copyright © 2026. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries.

Dominique Young is the founder of Faith Mamas Inc. (Faith Family Worldwide), a community of more than 6,000 Christian women and a private app serving over 1,700 believers. She helps people break free from fear through Scripture and has been featured on the Don't Mom Alone podcast and The Refreshed Moms Podcast. She is the author of God, Where Are You? Unmasking Your Pain, Uncovering His Presence. Dominique holds a psychology degree from Hampton University and a master's in theology from Fuller Seminary. She is also a devoted wife and a mother of four. Connect with her on her website.