When Grief and Joy Coexist

Can grief and joy coexist? Elle Cardell shares her discoveries.

Elisa

When Grief and Joy Coexist

By Elle Cardel

Sixty seconds.

After forty-seven hours of labor, this is how long I had to hold my daughter once she was born before she was swept away and rushed to the NICU for lifesaving treatment.

One single minute.

I was told this would be the case long before her arrival, but I had hoped and prayed for a different outcome. Sadly, that did not happen.

Once I laid eyes on Selah, a love I had not yet known flooded my heart. And with this love came a tremendous outpouring of joy. The moment she was placed in my arms, the noise of the medical personnel that filled my labor and delivery room became a distant hum.

For those sixty precious seconds, it was just me and her.

Before I knew it, the words “It’s time” were spoken by one of the nurses and my arms were suddenly empty. I watched her medical team wheel her out of the delivery room with my husband anxiously following behind while I was left to deliver the afterbirth. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I couldn’t help but wonder why it had to be this way.

Why couldn’t this birth experience have been ordinary instead of everything but that? Why did Selah have to be born with multiple congenital heart defects?

I longed for unending skin-to-skin snuggles.

I longed for the greatest stressors of having my first child to be lack of sleep and trying to figure out our breastfeeding journey together, within the heart of our home.

But it was so much more than these things.

Yet in the midst of feeling great sadness, I had experienced great joy.

How could this be possible?

Because grief and joy can coexist.

I first discovered this when Michael and I received Selah’s diagnosis. As we processed what this would mean for her—and us—we could not help but grieve such unexpected news.

The ordinary life we longed for her to have would no longer be ordinary. To what extent, though? We had no idea.

Even so, we were able to experience joy in the midst of our grief.

Because although we grieved Selah’s diagnosis, we did not grieve her life. We rejoiced in it.

Selah’s diagnosis did not change the truth that her life was woven with the Father’s glorious purpose. It could not change the fact that her life was a gift and an answered prayer, no matter what the future held.

Her diagnosis broke our hearts, yes, but it did not deter us from hope. In fact, it pushed us into hope’s embrace.

As we clung to our hope and fervently pleaded and prayed for Selah to live and never go a single day without experiencing the Father’s love, no matter what she endured, we experienced the Father’s joy in a multitude of ways.

His joy became our own, and we found the strength to persevere because of it.

There is so much that happened during the first days of Selah’s life. So much that was out of my control.

But there were joyous things I knew I could control during this time, like just how much I could love on Selah. While she slept and recovered, I kissed her, rubbed her head, held her hand, played with her toes, rubbed her feet, sang and prayed over her, held and snuggled her as much as I possibly could when she was finally allowed to be held again, and I told her over and over again just how much I loved her.

Although many of our days in the hospital felt slow and uncertain, these days were also filled with so many tender, loving, joy-filled moments. Becoming a mother is the most beautiful and joyous thing, and the love you have to give suddenly feels as if it’s not enough, as if it will never be enough.

The truth is, the love we have for our children will never be enough. Our love is a very special thing, but it will never satisfy in the ways that the Father’s love does. We are simply incapable of loving our children in a way that completes them, and that’s a good thing. This truth does not discount our love in any way. In fact, the love of a mother is but a taste of God’s love for us all! Our love should ultimately point our kids to God’s endless, unconditional love for them.

It was from this place of dwelling in the Father’s love for me that I found the strength and joy to keep going. In the midst of my darkest valley, I was able to embrace the Father’s joy as mine.

Because when I looked in my daughter’s eyes, I was reminded of the glory and the goodness of our great God.

Adapted from She Delights: Cultivate a Life of Joy for the One Who Reigns & Sustains by Elle Cardel, Copyright © 2025. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.

Elle Cardel is first and foremost a sinner saved by grace. She lives in middle Tennessee with her family. Elle loves being a mama, nerding out over strategy board games, catching up over coffee with friends (all the lavender lattes, please!), making meals from scratch, and writing on the truths of the glorious gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Elle holds a bachelor's degree in biblical theology and is the founder of the global online women's ministry Daughter of Delight, a growing community of 170,000-plus women of faith. She lives on a mission to help others learn and love Scripture via the Daughter of Delight podcast, daily devotionals woven around the Word, and free biblical resources, all of which you can find at her website, Her most recent book is She Delights. Connect with Elle on Instagram.